Black men have been getting a bad rap since forever. They’re, “aggressive, violent, cheaters, liars, thieves…” or at least that’s the picture that’s painted of them. While this may be true for some, it is not the truth for all. I believe there are some decent, faithful, friendly, caring, loving black men out there. I know this because I’ve met some of them.
IN MY LIFETIME I’VE MET…
….an amazing guy who was all about his daughters. Probably one of the best fathers in the world. He was also an artist and self made entrepreneur. I loved his drive and the fact that every single time we spoke, one of his daughters was with him. He made me laugh and was a lot of fun to talk to. He was sooo damn cute, lively, funny, outgoing and had a positive outlook on life. Every time I heard someone older say, “I feel sorry for your generation, the black men are trash.” I would tell them about this guy and they would retract their statement. What I admired most about him is how involved in his daughters’ lives he was. Little black girls having “hands on” fathers is so important.
By Keshaunia L White, AFROPUNK contirbutor
I met another amazing guy in my lifetime who asked me out on a real date. Yasssss boo, it was a real date. We didn’t just go out to eat. We did community work together, took a tour of the city and visited a couple of museums while talking about gentrification and world affairs. This date was epic in the fact that it wasn’t typical. Overall he wasn’t typical. He was a genuine sweetheart. D I F F E R E N T yall hear me? He was quiet, came off kind of shy, gorgeous, friendly, brilliantly smart, encouraging and a PERFECT gentleman. Not only was he amazing, we shared a lot of laughs and found out we had a lot in common. What I admired most about him is that he acknowledged his flaws and seemed to be working hard towards self improvement.
I had a friend I met some years ago who was and still is an amazing writer. He was funny, witty, attentive and caring. He was the one who really encouraged me to be the best writer I could be. He would give me little writing assignments and critique me. Even when I fell short, he always gave me positive feedback and taught me how to improve my writing. And when I say he really made me laugh… I used to think about something stupid he said and would laugh like a damn fool! He was a ball of good energy. What I admired most about him was how hard he pushed me because he genuinely believed in me.
I once dated someone who was very, very protective of me and still is even though we are no longer connected in that way. Any time we went out, I knew with every piece of me that I was safe under his care. He was soft in a good way, sensitive but strong, the emotional connection was heavy and I didn’t have to worry about anything when I was with him. What I admired most about him was his ability to make me feel safe and cared for.
Can’t forget the men I dated who were heavy into church. I even married one of them. Though we are no longer together, I can say I learned some things from him and the others. They shared the same drive as far as being pleasing to God, they were disciplined in certain areas, they were kind at times and giving. And they were natural born leaders. What I admired most about these men was their love for God.
I have two male friends I can count on any time I need advice or help. We can go weeks without talking and I’ll hit them up with a sad story or a funny meme and they’re right there consoling me or laughing with me. I just “text cried” on my bros shoulder before writing this. These are strictly platonic relationships. I call one my brother and the other my cousin. Neither of these men have ever come on to me but I know they would be great men to the women that they choose. What I admire about them is that they are always open to listen and give advice when it’s needed. They are my male shoulders to cry on.
There are black men everywhere in every city and state all over the place, who are good men. Even if they aren’t where they need or want to be, they are striving to be better fathers, husbands, boyfriends, friends etc. I think we as women give black men an extremely hard time. Sometimes they deserve it and by no means am I minimizing the damage that some black men have caused us. If you think I’m playing refer back to my, “Stay Away From Me” fuck boy article. I know some of them deserve it. I just feel there are times when their efforts and good qualities should be praised.
I’ve been held at gunpoint and choked by a black man. Black men have cheated on me, called me out of my name, abandoned me and abused me. I know heartbreak from being thrown away by a black man… one of them who was mentioned above. But I’m determined to keep hope alive and believe there’s a good black man out there for me and for the sisters out there waiting. No matter what happens now or what has happened in the past, I’ll never give up on them as a whole.