AFROPUNK

... the other Black experience

I'm a Black Dominatrix - 'Fifty Shades of Gray' is complete BS (#NSFW)

Ahem.
‘FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY’ IS NOT A REALISTIC PORTRAYAL OF BDSM RELATIONSHIPS OR ACTIVITIES.
‘FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY’ IS NOT A REALISTIC PORTRAYAL OF BDSM RELATIONSHIPS OR ACTIVITIES.
‘FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY’ IS NOT A REALISTIC PORTRAYAL OF BDSM RELATIONSHIPS OR ACTIVITIES.
‘FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY’ IS NOT A REALISTIC PORTRAYAL OF BDSM RELATIONSHIPS OR ACTIVITIES.
(PS: It's the worst book series in history.)

As the saying goes: “You have to crawl before you can walk.”

This rings particularly true in the needlessly “taboo” world of BDSM, or, in its longhand form: Bondage & Discipline; Domination & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism.

I have been a Professional Dominatrix for going on six or seven years, and took an early interest in The Lifestyle back in my mid-to-late teens.

I was fortunate enough to have male friends (and boyfriends) who were all too eager to explore this new and entirely seducing realm with me--however, I'd always secretly craved more than just vanilla play with a cheap pair of fuzzy handcuffs.

Much more.

By Jacqueline-Elizabeth*, AFROPUNK contributor

I experienced my first real Session at the age of nineteen; and with a close guyfriend from high school who was very much into The Lifestyle. We had a biweekly arrangement wherein he would pay me to literally Chun-Li him in the balls and verbally demean him in every way possible. I had a blast.

A couple of years later, I would fully commit myself to the world of BDSM sometime after moving to Los Angeles several years ago.

During my time as a model for the SuicideGirls, and while attending an event called Club Suicide, I had the honor of watching a live Display of BDSM by one of the most talented Dominatrices in Los Angeles, Mistress Snow Mercy. It left me completely mesmerized.

After nervously approaching her and asking where I could receive training as a Dominatrix, I would later join an official House of Domination (aka, a Dungeon), and proceeded to take the first step into a world that would change my life forever.

When I began my initial training, I had to literally start from the bottom as a Submissive; the reason being that with the goal of becoming a Dominatrix in mind, it's imperative to understand exactly what future Submissives (Subs) and Slaves would be feeling and experiencing at my hand.

It was also necessary for testing and exploring my own personal fetishes, kinks, pain tolerances, and Hard Limits. I was expected to read and memorize The Story of O, The Marquis De Sade, and regard Fifty Shades of Grey as nothing more than toilet paper, despite the entire series being an insult in itself to actual toilet paper (and everything the world of BDSM stands for).

I learned to be obedient; and how to show the proper respect for the Dominatrices I worked with-- especially the Dungeon Mothers and Mistress that run/ran the Dungeons I trained in. If one came into the foyer where there were only two or three chairs, when a Domina put a soft pillow on the ground, I was expected to relinquish my seat and kneel there without complaint or hesitation.

I also learned how to keep myself safe during one-on-one sessions with clients. Because many Dungeons (typically) uphold the “No sex/penetration of any kind” rule, there are clients who have and will try to push the boundaries of what I am and am not comfortable with. There are many ways of escaping a supposed “dominant” even if he has your hands bound tightly above your head or behind your back, and every Domina and Mistress that trained me ensured that I knew them all.

As time went by, I progressed onwards to the next stage of becoming a Switch, meaning I was available to Session with clients as either a Submissive or Dominant.

Part of my training involved being taken around to various Dungeons (both in and outside of California) where I was expected to watch and learn from true Dominas and Mistresses as old as sixty to seventy years old.

I learned early what Subspace was, how to induce it in a Submissive, and how to perform proper Aftercare for them by making sure they had water, and was sitting down to keep them from toppling over, all the while using a soft, comforting voice to softly bring them back to reality.

And when I was given the opportunity to finally begin my training to become an Professional Dominatrix, it took me a little over eight or nine months before the Mistresses who trained me believed I had the firmest grasp on what it meant to be a true Domina.

The intensive study and education of a Dominatrix includes far more than just proper flogger-holding technique, or how to carefully and safely perform CBT (Cock and Ball Torture) without puncturing and rupturing a central vein-- there is the complete and total psychological element as well.

It was a matter of remaining keeping my emotions in total check, being capable of instilling reverent respect, euphoria, and submission from within a Sub without screaming or yelling.

I learned to speak with the proper “harrowing tone” that is a reminiscent of a beautiful, peaceful sea before a catastrophic maelstrom shatters the tide. Even then, I was expected the speak with an unnerving calmness.

“Thou Shalt Not Strike In Anger” is one of the core commandments of Doming. You're expected to strike only when needed (or at your own leisure depending on the type of session you're having), but never from a place of anger; merely discipline. (Unless this is exactly what a client prefers. Many true masochists can only reach nirvana when treated with unfathomable cruelty.)

“We Hurt To Heal”, is the basis of being a Dominatrix. When Subs and Slaves come to us, they expect and crave pain to reaffirm their existence. We as Dominatrices offer a safe space that truly allows them (as well as we Dominatrices) to be themselves without judgement, and to let them know that no matter how sharp the bite of our cane or crop, they are not alone, and that we do understand.

We provide kindness, compassion, and knowledge. BDSM is in fact so therapeutic that many have begun lobbying to have it registered as a legitimate therapeutic practice.

I've worked with many clients over the years who have shared with me their stories of life's pain. Many have outright stated that they had discontinued “conventional” therapy and counselling after several years, and found BDSM far more therapeutic than conventional therapy in itself.

I cannot begin to explain how my journey of Kink has helped me recover from a lifetime of sexual abuse and assault and other traumas, how it is very much part of my healthy healing process, and nothing at a to be ashamed of.

Once I became a registered, Professional Dominatrix, I was allowed to choose a Title to go by. Many Domina have the option to go by “Mistress”, “Goddess”, “Madame”, and so forth.

I chose “Lady Cyd Vyxious” due to my speciality of (but certainly not limited to) Extreme Corporal Punishment, Needle Play (Edgeplay), Urethral Sounding, overall Sadism, and so on.

That isn't to say I don't know how to play “nice”; I rather enjoy “softer” BDSM activities such as Petplay, Sensoryplay, and the like.

Its just that a good majority of my clients are simply not satisfied until they see their own blood and this can be achieved in a number of ways.

I've had clients heavily into Medical Fetishism who love to feel the edge of a precision, surgical scalpel cut across their bodies. Others live for the sensation of being tied down as I proceed to carve lewd and lascivious designs of my choosing into their flesh. And then there are those who can only experience euphoria by way having several thick needles pushed into and through their…

Well. You get the point.

From Watersports, to clients who will only see me on days when I'm mynstruating to have me stick my blood-soaked tampon in their mouths (and make them keep it there for the duration of our hours-long sessions), there are many things I'm perfectly comfortable and open to doing as a Dominatrix (I draw the line at scatplay, however, and I'm quite sure I don't have to explain that particular fetish), and many things I haven't experienced or mastered that I would absolutely love to.

From the day I became a Professional Dominatrix and onwards, I’ve never Subbed for anyone (who I didn't respect as a True Master, and that honor goes to only two deeply-loved men in my life). While the dynamic changes while I'm in a committed, romantic relationship (in which case, I'm more of a Switch), I learned early on that I would much rather be holding the whip than on the receiving end, just as there are those who would prefer the reverse.

Far more frustrating than the longheld misconceptions of BDSM as being about “control” and “violence” (thanks 'Fifty Shades’), or society’s view of BDSM being entirely sexual when it's completely possible to practice nonsexual BDSM, is the perception of BDSM being strictly a “white people thing”; something Black People stay far away from due to the connotations of Slavery, and the belief that any Black person who participates in it must be longing for the days of yore where they wish to feel the bite of “massa’s” bullwhip upon their backs.

This is a complete and total fallacy--and yet at the same time, somewhat true, given all of my clients have been older cis white men with intense Raceplay fetishes that involves my “taking revenge” on him for his ancestors (probably) owning mine at some point.

While it's certainly true that the number of professional Black Dominatrices worldwide is very low, the number of Black Womxn who are genuinely (secretly or not-so-secretly) interested in The Scene and Lifestyle is staggeringly high.

This has everything to do with the fact that, to be blunt, the world of BDSM isn't exactly an “equal opportunity” field for Women of Color (with the exception of Asian Women, who succeed quite well as both Dominas or Submissives). It can be very exclusive, and rather unwelcoming.

And yet, for the past eight or more years, I've come to understand in stages that just as certain, openly-and-proudly-racist white men love to own their hatred regarding the very existence of Black Women, it is those very same white men that are the ones who secretly desire Black Women more than they do air.

The same rule applies to extremely and openly racist white men in the world of BDSM who have found themselves literally under my nine-inch boots (or heels; it depends on my mood and outfit), begging me to, verbatim--
“Spit into my (worthless) white face”,

“Humiliate my (worthless) small white cock”,

“Make me apologize for my (worthless) white cock”.


And so forth. Of course, I've had many, many men of all races question and challenge my abilities as a Dominatrix by feebly attempting to assert their own “dominance” over me upon finding out I Dom and before we even have a Session.
I take it upon myself to remind them in all sorts of fun and creative ways that everyone is a “dominant” until they've met a true Sadist. And despite my doting and gentle ways, I am a true Sadist.

When you add race into the already convoluted and yet sacred world of BDSM, it's certainly and glaringly obvious why many Black People would feel the need to shy away from the BDSM community entirely.

However, it is because of our total lack of representation in the realm of kink and fetish that accounts for why it is absolutely imperative to bring into the light the knowledge that BDSM (when practiced and studied properly) can indeed be enjoyed by Black People without shame, guilt, or self-doubt.

It can not only be empowering, but to reiterate, therapeutic, and I want to continue to encourage the education of the Black Community on BDSM, fetish, kinks, health, and everything in between.


#YesADominatrix

*For Inquiries, please email directly at jaxjaxattaxx@gmail.com, Facebook or Instagram: @jaxjaxattaxx. I can also be found on Collarspace, as well as FetLife.

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