... the other Black experience

Gender Bent's Blog – April 2017 Archive (9)

How to unlearn toxic masculinity - Steps to better understanding gender

Context is key. “The medium is the message”. When we talk about social constructs like gender and race, recognizing context is fundamental to understanding why and how these identifiers exist and what they signify in the only two context’s in which they matters—social perception and the subsequent personal experiences that result because of those perceptions.

Women have different experiences, but they are not different beings.

Ultimately, working…


Added by Gender Bent on April 28, 2017 at 4:30pm — No Comments

An ode to sisterhood - my best friend was key to my recovery from depression

"He's cheating again," I whispered into the phone, fighting through the brain fog that my newly prescribed depression meds gave me. "He's trying to leave me for another girl after I lost our baby."

It had only been 4 and half months since I'd lost my son, and as I sat staring at pictures of my man smiling and kissing another woman, the reason why he'd become so mean and distant, I began to tremble. In a calm voice, my best friend Keisha said "I'm so sorry,…


Added by Gender Bent on April 28, 2017 at 12:20pm — No Comments

The hair politics of Black boyhood: how I came to refuse white standards of respectability

I know everyone has a bone to pick with Shea Moisture’s erasure of black womanhood. And I was anxious to dig deep into it until I recognized the company also sells hair products for black men and even a black man was featured briefly in the controversial commercial.

It had me scratching my head, why was the black man’s experience with hair being swept under the rug? The great lie that ‘Everybody gets love’ is a laughable and tearful campaign slogan. The…


Added by Gender Bent on April 28, 2017 at 10:30am — 1 Comment

Toxic masculinity enables violent events like Cleveland & San Bernardino more often than you know

There was little about the homicide committed by Steve Stephens (dumb name) that surprised me. Not the streaming of it and definitely not the alleged reasoning behind it. Stephens, in a series of Facebook posts cited a break-up with a former girlfriend as the event that kicked off his “need” to kill folks. A looney tune excuse that needlessly attempts to scapegoat an innocent, unseen woman for the actions of man. It’s not the man’s failure—naturally, it’s somebody…


Added by Gender Bent on April 19, 2017 at 6:30pm — 1 Comment

Stream the new Prince song from the late star's EP of unreleased music dropping this Friday!

On Friday (4/21/17), an EP of previously unheard Prince material recorded between 2006 and 2008 will be released. The late pop star co-wrote and co-produced the songs with Ian Boxill, an engineer who worked with Prince on his records 3121 and Planet Earth during that time period, and who completed the production for the new EP Deliverance, The Unheard Spiritual Voice of Prince Rogers Nelson after the singer's death. The EP is being released by…


Added by Gender Bent on April 19, 2017 at 10:00am — No Comments

Putting Ourselves First As Black Women/Femmes Is Like Returning to Our First Loves

Self-care is a fluid concept. It is vital and it looks different from person to person. Essentially, self-care means doing something kind for yourself, for your mental well-being, for your physical well-being. Self-care is revolutionary for women of color and, as Audre Lorde said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

I hold that sentence so close to my heart. When black women, especially…


Added by Gender Bent on April 18, 2017 at 5:27pm — No Comments

Stop blaming single mothers for the toxic actions of men

After learning of the horrible crimes of the Cleveland shooter, Steve Stephens, I was eager to learn what men had to say via YouTube and Facebook, yet small vloggers and small podcasters proved too much of a disappoint as they do not talk about the elephant in the room—the fact that many men need mental health evaluations and that that's nothing to be ashamed of. Especially given the fact that male problems often end up being unfairly blamed on black women.



Added by Gender Bent on April 18, 2017 at 11:00am — No Comments

#FemmeInPublic project disrupts Cape Town’s heteronormative gaze with live fashion protest

#FemmeInPublic is a glorious visual project and conversation piece about femme solidarity in places where we’re most vulnerable—in public. Cape Town-based creative director and stylist, Gavin Mikey Collins, and US performance artist, activist, and poet, Alok Vaid-Menon, teamed up with queer and gender non-conforming artists for a “live fashion protest”. A space-taking, look-serving march through the streets of Cape Town “disrupt[ing] the heteronormative and colonial…


Added by Gender Bent on April 5, 2017 at 2:30pm — No Comments

If feminism makes you feel emasculated, your manhood wasn't that strong to begin with

It’s pretty telling when someone takes positive measures to stand up for themselves, and it makes another people downplay, nay-say, and try to delegitimize their efforts. Especially when these people stand to benefit from oppressive systems that the first person is standing up against in the first place. And it's not a good look.

When I first started talking about feminism, like with race, I constantly found myself having to explain to men, and likewise white…


Added by Gender Bent on April 3, 2017 at 12:00pm — No Comments

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